Today your body doesn´t respond you as always. You arms weigh and your throat hurts. It´s difficult to keep your eyelids up. Noises are not as daily, or odors. Even your bed is strange. Nothing seems to mornings you are accustomed. Even those of hangover.
You try again, and nothing. It seems that each arm weighs a ton. And throat reveals an excess of tobacco. You think that you should quit smoking. Finally you get to keep open your eyes a few seconds more. Everything is unknown.
Someone comes with also unknown steps. A hands touch your face while a voice is calling you by the name only used by your parents. You open your eyes. You must have scared face because the voice becomes even more gentle and explains you very slowly that you are in a bed in the intensive care unit where you have been five days under sedation. Now, you can not close your eyes. You try to speak but the throat does not emit any noise, just hurts. “Don’t try to talk, you are intubated. That´s why you have your hands tied “.
The questions do not fit in your head. You are dead scared. You cry. She tries to calm down. His tenderness goes beyond her latex gloves.
You want to talk but you can not. Think, Txema…You got it! You raise your hands all that the restraints allow. She understands the first. “No, I can´t remove them”. You try to bring closer your hands, but they fail to touch. It is not necessary, she has already captured: “I agree, but only a moment and you have to promise that you will not remove the tube”. You affirm with the head.
She unties you. You begin to talk – 5 years of sign language, good luck! -. She said: “I do not understand. Do you feel any pain? Are you cold? “.” You refuse by shaking your head and continue tied. She takes your hands asking for be quiet.
“No! Please, don´t tie me again! “. You get rid of her hands and try to imitate the gesture of writing. “Do you want to write?” You affirm with the head. “Ok, but here at a time, now you must rest because you are very weak. Then the doctor will come.” You try to hold her there but it means nothing, you are alone again. Alone and tied. You cry again.
Later, a few steps make you open your eyes again. She is your doctor. She makes you aware of what has happened – and what is going to happen-. You try to retain everything what she says. She tells you that everything is going well, that the danger has passed. Your family is coming into the ICU soon.
It’s so hard to hear everything without doing any question!.
But now you only want that hour arrives. You want your person to come into. You only need a shared look. A hug or a kiss to tell you things. She will know how you feel. Only by her side, you can calm you.
You feel a door that you had not controlled. Turning the head to the left and can look that person. She approaches and gives you a kiss. You cry. She gives you a hug, and thousands of kisses. Kisses that you can not return.
Now, you cry together.Txema Navarro